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Society, the media, counselling services, and schools tend to 'erase' their relationships by grouping bisexuality within the gay or straight binary; or forget altogether that bisexual men and their partners are of all ages, ethnicities, countries, classes, she explains.She adds: “In most films, bisexual men have either been killed, suicided, or been killers. Very few films, and only recently has film begun to explore polyamory and bisexuality, and women in relationships with bisexual men, in a more positive and varied light." However, it would be a mistake to paint relationships between bisexual men and women as black and white utopias.
Some women who had been loved by gay men were now hearing comments like, ‘You’d better lock your boyfriends away, the female predator is here’,” says Dr Pallotta-Chiarolli. Is the bedroom a sacred space or can others come into bed with us? Are we going to do gendered monogamy - meaning the man could only date other men and the woman other women? Additionally, the men were far more aware of sexual diversity and desire, so these men were more willing to engage in less heteronormative sexual acts, such as liking anal penetration by their women partners. Many women found themselves exploring BDSM, polyamory, and were themselves encouraged to explore same-sex relationships."We had some women who said that after dating a bi man, they could never go back to dating a straight man." Despite these findings, says Dr Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli, such pairings are little understood, both academically and among the public.Other women would say, ‘Do what you want, as long as you stay who you are with me. You've fallen in love with this other guy now, and I think you deserve to go live with him for a while.I just don’t want to hear about it.’ “Another older feminist independent woman said to her partner, ‘You’ve been so awesome to me. Just come and visit me periodically.’” And even among men who were out and active members of the LGBT community, misogyny lingered.In one case, a bisexual man made it clear he would be seeing other men but banned her from dating anyone else and confined her to their home to take care of their children. That’s what contributed to an unhealthy relationship,” she says.
Some couples found that while their relationship was stable, that they struggled to find acceptance in others.
They also were less likely to value unequal and traditional gender roles, according to Dr Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli, Senior Lecturer in Social Diversity in Health and Education at Deakin University and the co-author of the book .
“Because of this, these men were far more sensitive and desired to establish an equitable relationship. They were keen fathers and wanted to set up equitable gender relationships in the home.
It turned out that straight men were the ones with more emotional and misogynistic baggage.
This is partly due to the fact that as these men tried to understand their sexuality, they also questioned the most negative aspects of masculine character traits: including aggression.
As Dr Pallotta-Chiarolli explains: “One: This is what I’m experiencing right now. As a result, if a man’s partner discovered his bisexuality by mistake - for instance by finding gay porn or a condom in his pocket - women generally responded in one of three ways.